Doing time in the unemployment line

Our family, it turns out, is really quite boring. So this week I thought I would write about something a little different...

As many of you know, this has been a trying year for us. Like so many others across the country, Steve and I both lost our jobs last winter. We both worked in the homebuilding industry - Steve was a salesperson for a plumbing wholesaler and I worked for a charity that relied heavily on homebuilders for sponsorships. As the industry declined over the last year or so, we became very aware of the possibility that one of us could become unemployed. We never thought that we would feel a double blow.

After six years of being at home with the kids and working part time as a teacher, I made the difficult decision to return to work full time in the summer of 2007. Because I had been "out of the industry" for so long, I knew it would be difficult to find exactly what I was looking for and so I took the first decent job that came along. I soon found myself in a completely new role, managing sponsorships and special events. After about a year, I was ready to move on and began looking for something that was more in my field. Honestly, I wasn't looking forward to another fall, managing a major event that would require me to work every weekend for two months (as I had the previous year). Nothing transpired and the event was getting closer and closer. Being the loyal worker bee that I am, I put off my job search until after the new year so that I wouldn't leave my co-workers in the difficult position of implementing an event that I had planned. All the while, sponsorships for the new year weren't looking so good, and the big event didn't raise as much money as we had hoped. I started to worry, but was told that we would be fine - job cuts weren't being considered.

In November, my position was cut back to part time and I was told they would increase my hours as quickly as possible. While I was working fewer hours than I would have liked, this really wasn't such a bad turn of events. I had been struggling with the work/life balance issue that is so common among working moms. By this time, Christmas was quickly approaching and I had no choice but to stick with the job and look for something new after the new year. I naively thought my new status meant my job was safe. I couldn't have been more wrong. The next month, just one week before Christmas, my job was eliminated altogether. I wasn't surprised, really. But I was shocked to find myself in this situation. Suddenly I was unemployed. How did this happen to me? You always think (or at least I did) that you are valuable, but what I learned was that it doesn't matter how talented or dedicated you are - it's just a numbers game in the end.

I decided to relax and enjoy Christmas. I could worry about finding a job after the holidays. Thankfully our Christmas shopping was done, or that would have really stressed me out. I enjoyed hanging out with the kids for a couple of weeks, but I did have to deal with that unemployment thing. Going to the unemployment office seemed so final - desperate in a way. But while Steve was home one afternoon, I begrudingly spent several hours there filling out paperwork, registering on line, and sitting through my orientation. I would start certifying for my weekly benefits in a couple of weeks.

After the new year, I got serious about job hunting and sent out scores of resumes. Can I tell you how much I despise sending resumes and filling out job applications? At the same time, I was enjoying having my mornings to myself, cleaning the house, all that fun "mom" stuff that I had missed so much. I had figured out how long we could survive on Steve's income, combined with my severance and weekly unemployment check, and was feeling really good about where we were headed. Times would be tough, but we would certainly survive.

Then, just a week or so into 2009, Steve called me in one afternoon to tell me he had lost his job. "Yeah right," I said. "That's not funny." It wasn't funny - and he wasn't joking. Panic set in immediately. While we would be ok on one income, I knew we couldn't survive on no income at all. Just a few days later Steve, who had teased me just a little about going to the unemployment office just a week before (but who also offered to come with me, for moral support), made the same trek.

For the next few weeks, we hung out at home together. Every day. I didn't return phone calls from friends who had heard about Steve's job. I appreciated everyone's kind words, but I knew they were secretly thanking God that it was us and not them. As I watched news stories about unemployment, bankruptcies and foreclosures, I was completely aware that I had become one of "those people". I knew there was a very real possibility that we could lose our home - in the not so distant future. We began to talk about what we could sell, and what we could do without. After working for a charity that helps homeless families, I knew how quickly people can lose everything. And that was becoming a very real possibility for us.

Thankfully, we have many great friends and a very supportive family - all of whom have tried to work their magic and help us find jobs. Steve's mom sent my resume out to her contact list on the day I lost my job, and I was contacted by one of her co-workers almost immediately. We played phone tag for a few days, and then I never heard from her again. I had all but given up hope when she called me one day out of the blue, asking if I could do some contract work for them. And just like that, my extended "vacation" was over. And I never received a single unemployment check.

I've learned many things this year. I've learned that people have misconceptions about the unemployed - that we're lazy, irresponsible, or weren't productive, etc. I've learned that it takes six weeks, minimum, to start receiving unemployment benefits. For most people, including us, that's long after any severance pay has run out. I've learned that COBRA is incredibly expensive. For people on unemployment, making less than hald of their old income, it's simply not realistic. Thank goodness for the stimulus bill, which cut our monthly COBRA payment by more than half. I've learned that teamwork and a positive attitude can go a long way. I've learned that you have to put yourself and your family first, because your employer will not. And I've learned that sometimes the best gifts come in the ugliest packages.

Surprisingly, I do look at this year as a gift. Steve has had the unique opportunity to spend seven months at home with our kids - a time I hope they will all remember fondly. He has taken some computer classes that he had been wanting to take for years, but never had the time. I've been able to make my own hours, allowing me to go to events at the kids' schools that I would have missed had I been "working."

As of today, not much has changed. I'm still freelancing, although I am acutely aware that it could end at any moment (which would take us back to the "panic" stage). Steve is still getting his weekly unemployment check and has had a few interviews. He has an interview next week with a former employer (cross your fingers!). I send out many resumes each week and know that something permanent will come along eventually.

I know there is a light at the end of this very long, dark tunnel, and I can see it getting a little closer every day.

FIVE!

Has it been five years already since our little Marisa came into the world? I still see her as the little red headed baby with the contagious smile. A toddler with chubby little hands, feeding the dogs and chasing her brother.

On our kids’ birthdays, I always reflect on the day they came into the world. Marisa’s birth day was, unlike her brother’s, scheduled. She, like her brother before her, seemed to be very comfortable where she was and wasn’t making any attempt to come into this world on her own. Because Trevor had been born via c-section, 10 days late (more about him next month!), we decided to go ahead and schedule a c-section for Marisa. We picked June 25 because, well, it was a Friday, and if everything went well, we’d be at home by the following Monday and Steve would be home with us all week.

On June 24, I was getting ready to go to the hospital for my pre-op blood work and stuff, and wasn’t able to leave the house – the spring had broken on the garage door. Steve was at work, our street was a virtual ghost town, and I literally couldn’t get out of the garage. I remember thinking that I hoped this wasn’t a sign of things to come! Luckily, it wasn’t. Having a scheduled c-section was very different than having an unplanned one. I remember lying in the pre-op room waiting for the nurse to come for me, feeling very nervous and, unlike Trevor’s birth, very aware of everything going on around me. It was then that I told Steve I never wanted to do this again, no matter what I said later. And he has never let me forget that!

The c-section went well, although it lasted a bit longer than anticipated, and Marisa made her grand entrance around 2:30 that afternoon. When we made it back to our room, it was the middle of the afternoon and I remember wondering “what do we do now?” Trevor had been born in the middle of the night, and I had been completely exhausted, thankful for a few hours of sleep. With Marisa I was so very hungry, but not tired at all. My parents were staying with Trevor and they, like the rest of the family, visited periodically throughout the weekend. When the doctor said we could go home on Sunday, I was still so unbelievably sore and seriously almost asked to stay longer. How was I going to take care of this beautiful little baby, and her big brother? Even with my second child, I was still amazed they were actually going to let me take her home!

It’s always been amazing to me to see, from the time Marisa was born, how very different she is from her brother. While Trevor was the kid who would hide behind my leg, Marisa was the one climbing in the other moms’ laps at Kidgets on Wednesday mornings. She has always been a performer, which likely explains why she loves ballet so much. While Trevor, from the night he was born, has always been a little version of his father, Marisa is, in so many ways, remarkably like…me. I cannot tell you how many times people will stop us in the grocery store or the mall and comment on how beautiful her hair is. “Where ever did she get that gorgeous red hair?” they inevitably ask. And so I tell them that I had wild red hair just like her when I was little. As I got older, my hair got darker (and straighter). Of course there are other red heads on both sides of the family, but I secretly take credit for Marisa’s. Though her hair is not wild as it once was, it’s still quite red. It looks like hers is here to stay.

I know that we joke sometimes about what a handful Marisa is, but in all seriousness I look at her and am amazed everyday by the kindness and compassion that lives inside of her. How many four year-olds cry, uncontrollably, at movies like ET, Flicka, My Dog Skip, even Up? I look at her and see not only a beautiful little girl who will inevitably break many boys’ hearts someday, but I see an incredibly beautiful spirit, and feel so blessed that she calls me “mom.”

Summertime and so much to do...

It's been almost a month since school got out, and I guess I have a lot of updating to do! Steve's done a great job of keeping the kids busy this summer. They've done a lot of free bowling and had a lot of of play dates with their friends. For a while there I forgot that Trevor lived here - he was spending the night out with friends, going from one place to another almost every day.

We enjoyed a nice visit with Steve's brothers and their families, who were here from California earlier this month. We decided to do Marisa's birthday party while they were in town, because it's not every year that Marisa can celebrate her birthday with her cousins. So we had three lanes at the bowling alley, with several of Marisa's friends and all of her cousins on the Folkers' side. She had a great time. Later in the week, all 21 of us went for the family photoshoot (I should add that the last two family photos were taken within 5 days of Trevor's birth, and 3 weeks of Marisa's birth. I was so happy to not have a newborn for this one!

As Georgia is officially no longer in a drought, we pulled the sprinkler out for the kids to play in this past weekend (on our assigned watering day, of course). I found the old slip 'n slide in the basement. We've been under strict watering restrictions for so long that I think the last time we had the slip 'n slide out was for Trevor's 2nd birthday. Marisa had never seen it! Since Ben loves to drink water out of the hose, we figured he would enjoy playing in the water too. So we filled up the baby pool for the dogs and learned very quickly that they're not big fans of water. Drinking, yes. Playing, not so much. Oh well!

Speaking of the dogs, Sam is almost six months old now and is doing great with his house training. He hasn't had an accident in a long time (knock on wood), but sometimes he "dribbles" around the house when he has to go outside. He's almost done with his obedience classes, and has learned how to sit, lay down, shake and (sometimes) stay. What a difference just a month has made.

Steve and I recently went to see The Fray at Chastain. I seriously don't remember the last concert we went to, so I was so excited to get out and see a good show. It was a lovely evening until it started to rain during the fourth song. And not just rain - thunder, lightning and a serious downpour that continued through the entire concert. We stayed and, in spite of the fact that we were soaked to our bones, I was so glad we did.

Here are some photos from the last month. Enjoy!

Trevor in the sprinkler

Marisa enjoying an afternoon in the sprinkler

Marisa sharing her Teddy Grahams

with her cousin Camryn at the pool

It looks like she's blowing out her candle,

but there really isn't one there!

Trevor's winding up

Yes, I do take a picture of every birthday cake

Trevor and Marisa at Zac's graduation

Our nephew Zac - the graduate

Milestones

Our good friends the Hoods celebrated their daughter's first birthday on May 9. Unfortunately, we couldn't be there to celebrate with them, as her party was at the same time as the first game of Trevor's baseball tournament. As I was thinking about how it seems like just yesterday that Meggan told me she was having a baby, I thought about how it also seems like yesterday that we were celebrating our own kids' first birthdays. Many of you reading this weren't at those parties, so I thought I'd share a photo of each of them. It's amazing how much they've grown since then!

Marisa - 2005 (above) and Trevor - 2002 (below)

We've reached a few milestones of our own over these last few weeks. I always get a little nostalgic around my birthday, and this year was no different, as immediately following my birthday was Marisa's kindergarten registration. Let's just say that made me feel a little...older. I was explaining to Steve the other day that when you have kids you kind of measure your age by the milestones in your kids' lives (at least I do). We've always been among the younger parents at school and on Trevor's baseball team. And the fact that we've always had a baby, or toddler, or preschooler in tow has helped us feel even younger still. Now, we don't have any of those. In fact, we officially have two school-age kids. And that is very scary to me.

So we registered Marisa for kindergarten, and then a few days later we watched her graduate from preschool. It was bittersweet. When Trevor graduated from the same school three years ago, we knew we'd be back with Marisa. When we left there last week, we knew we wouldn't be back again. I didn't cry, but I can assure you I'll be needing a tissue when I watch my little girl climb on the school bus in a few short months.

Meanwhile, Trevor is very excited that he has three short days left of school. Baseball season is finally (I mean already...) over. Trevor's team won their division, but was eliminated in the tournament semi-finals. While many of his friends will move up to minor next spring, we've decided to keep Trevor back in pee wee for another year.

Speaking of baseball, after spending several hours at the ball field on May 9 (and thus missing the aforementioned birthday party), we decided to...go out and watch some baseball. And thus, we experienced our first Gwinnett Braves game. For those of you who aren't from around here, the Atlanta Braves' AAA team that was previously in Richmond, VA, moved here to our very own county this year. The stadium is maybe five miles from our house. And it is a gorgeous stadium at that - there's not a bad seat in the house!

Trevor getting his division

championship medal.

Marisa receiving her diploma.

A view of the field from our seats at the

Gwinnett Braves stadium.

Trevor and Steve at the Braves game.

Marisa's ballet recital.

Showing off her costume. Notice that I was

able to get her new short 'do in a bun!

Trevor's piano recital.

Happy May Day!

May always been one of my favorite months of the year. And not just because it’s my birthday month. As a little girl growing up in Minnesota, May signaled the start of spring and warmer weather. The snow had melted, flowers were starting to bloom, and we could finally put away our winter coats. I remember celebrating May Day (May 1) by putting together little May Day baskets for all of the neighbors. We would fill plastic cups with candy and flowers, insert a pipe cleaner for a handle, and leave the cups on our neighbors’ porches.

We don’t celebrate May Day like that anymore, but May continues to be my favorite time of the year. But for some reason, it has is an incredibly busy month for us. And this year is no different. We rang in the month on Friday by going to see Wolverine after school. Steve is a huge fan of all the “comic book” movies, so this was a must-see for him and the kids.

On Saturday we spent the day like we’ve been spending every other Saturday this spring – at the ball field. Fortunately, it was a pretty mild afternoon. That night we all went to see my nephew Zac perform in his high school’s production of “Grease”. He’s been in many plays over the years, and this was his last before he graduates in a few weeks. Trevor and Marisa hadn’t been to see him perform before, so this was a special treat for them. Zac made a great Vince Fontaine, and we were so proud of him! It’s hard to believe he’ll be off to college in a few short months!

On Sunday, all of the Behnkes came out to see Trevor’s piano recital (watch for photos soon!). He’s been playing the piano for about a year-and-a-half, seems to have a natural musical talent. As probably the youngest kid in the recital (and notably, the only boy) he did really well! After the recital and some refreshments, we moved the party on to my parents’ house to celebrate mine and Steve’s birthdays. Happy birthday Steve!!

The story never ends...

So a few days ago we were so excited to see our little bird family move on to new digs. Well...apparently our excitement was a little premature. We hadn't seen the birds in a few days, and peeked in the box on Sunday. There was one tiny egg inside. We thought that one just never hatched. Steve reports today that, when he went out to get the mail, the momma bird "yelled at him". He peeked inside the box and sure enough, now there are two eggs. Either we just weren't paying close attention to the comings and goings of our bird family, or we have a very fertile momma bird (which seems improbable to me, but I'm no expert on bird reproduction!), or our momma bird told her bird friends about the great little nest she built on our front door. In any case, it's back through the garage we go...

I've posted some pictures below from Trevor's field day at school yesterday and his baseball game last night. His team won their division championship. Trevor had his second bunt of the season, and a few great plays in the field as well!

Trevor pitched part of the fourth inning.

His first hit of the night.

Trevor came in first place

in the "Paddle Ball" event.

Marisa took the day off of preschool to hang out

with us at Trevor's school.

Obedience

Sam went for his first obedience class on Sunday. We decided that Steve would take him since he's at home more than I am. The kids were very excited to hear what Sam learned at his first day of school. Apparently Steve learned that, not surprisingly, Sam sees him as the master, and has no respect for anyone else in the house, including me (the softie). He hasn't learned any new tricks yet, but Steve did try to show Marisa the right way to talk to Sam when you're giving him a command. It went something like this:

"Marisa, tell Sam to sit."
"Sa-am, si-it."
"No. Just say 'sit'."
"Si-it." (imagine her little voice getting higher on the second "syllable".

It went on like that for quite some time, until she finally said both Sam and sit with just one syllable each. Later, she was in the playroom with him telling him to sit. I think both words probably had three or four syllables each time she said it, but she was using her most stern voice!

Speaking of obedience, isn't it funny how your kids always do what other people tell them, but not so much what you tell them? Trevor's baseball coaches are working on having the kids call the ball when they are going for a pop fly. If they catch it without calling it, they have to do five push-ups. Likewise, if they call it and don't catch it, five push-ups.

Well we were at his game Friday night. Trevor was warming up at the pitcher's mound at the start of the third inning. His coach lobbed a ball at him from way out in center field. Trevor caught it, and his coach yelled "Oh Trevor, that's five push-ups!". Trevor turned around and looked at him for a moment, probably wondering if he was serious. Then he stepped off the mound, threw his glove on the ground, and got down in position for his push-ups. In the middle of the game! You could hear his coach laughing in the outfield, and he yelled for him to wait until after the game. I was laughing, but also thinking there's no way he ever would have done that for me. Oh well, maybe his coaches can try getting him to clean his room!

Baby birds

Using our front door has been a risky proposition for the last month or so. One day I noticed a bird fly out from the door when I opened it. I thought that was kind of strange, and then the next day Steve said he had noticed it, too. Turns out a momma bird had decided to build her nest in the Southern Living flower box on the door - apparently my purple silk flowers looked pretty real to her.

Once she laid her eggs, she got pretty defensive of them - she didn't just fly away when we opened the door, she would buzz your head on her way out. So, for the last month, we've been avoiding the door altogether. Our house sits on a partial basement with a pull-under garage, so that meant that every time we wanted to go outside (like going to the bus stop, getting the mail, going to friends' houses...you get the picture), we had to go down through the basement, out the garage, and back around to the front of the house. While we thought it was kind of neat that the momma chose our house for her home, I was cursing her after a few weeks (especially on the days I went grocery shopping and had to lug the groceries up through the basement). Although, it was kind of funny to see the look of terror on the neighbor boys' faces when they would be bent over, practically on their knees, ringing our doorbell.

Well I am happy to report that the eggs hatched (it was nice to hear chirping through the door), and it now appears that everyone has left the coop! You don't want to know what my door looks like behind the nest, but we sure are glad to have it back!

Spring Photos

Marisa at her school's Spring Sing and Art Show

Big Ben and little Sam

Trevor's artwork (in the middle) on display at the Tapestry art show

Trevor at the Tapestry art show

Trevor's winning science fair project

And here we are again...

Ok, so we've done a really bad job of updating our blog. And here we are again, almost a whole year later. I'll try to wrap up the past year in one posting, and we'll see if we can't get some updates in more frequently in the future!

Trevor is just finishing up second grade. He got first place in the science fair for his project called "The fizz test". He compared how much fizz (or eruption, as he called it) came from different types of colas when they were opened. He also had his artwork displayed this year at the county school's headquarters as part of the annual Tapestry art show. He played basketball this past winter, and spends a lot of time shooting hoops in the driveway now. He's playing baseball again this spring - he splits his time between first base, short stop, second, and pitcher.

Marisa will be done with preschool in just a few short weeks. Then we'll be counting down to kindergarten, if you can believe that! She's again taking ballet, and will have her recital in May. She played soccer in the fall and is debating about whether she wants to play soccer or softball this year (I think the pink helmets and bats are enticing her!). I'm not ready to have both kids playing sports at the same time (just one is crazy enough as it is), but I know it's coming.

We added a new puppy to the family at the end of March. Sam is about four months old. He's a lab-mix of some sort. We think he might really be a shar pei mix, but you can decide when you see his picture. We adopted him from the Atlanta Humane Society, which is where we got Ben almost three years ago. The boys get along great, and there is never a dull moment in our house! It's really fun to watch him as he learns about the world around him. There's a new experience every day - new stuffed animals to steal from Marisa's room, transformers to be found under Trevor's bed...you see where I'm going with this.

Here are some photos from the past year...enjoy!

St. Simon's, summer 2008

Fall soccer



Helping mom stain the new deck


Halloween, 2008


Project Playhouse at Lenox Square, October 2008
(mom's big fundraiser for work)

First day of school, 2008 (pre-k)

First day of school, 2008 (second grade)